Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Andrew Flintoff or:How I stopped liking and started hating the British Sportsmen

Just heard of this, the best all-rounder in the world of cricket claims, " I was shot at in Delhi". Isn't this wonderful? I was wondering, England have won the Ashes, and how is it that there has been no sensational statement coming from any star British player. Totally expected, however let me add that this piece of news has totally shaken me to the core.

From Henman to Johny Wilkinson to Beckham to Flintoff to Andrew Strauss, British sport is all about celebrating stars rather than players. As players, there are many who are better than each one of the players that I have named. But no one craves for limelight as these people do. Why? Because they are British. They ruled a major part of this world at the beginning of the previous century. They brought civilization to the rest of the world. They were the ones who ruled a major part of the world. And since they are too good, Commonwealth Games are held every four years to commemorate the tyranny of British rule in many parts of the world.

Let us start from the sport Indians and I love to watch-"cricket". If there is a person who has seen cricket only through BBC and SKY Sports, his views on cricket will be radically different from the rest of the world. The best opener in the world would be Marcus Trescothick, the best batsman in the world would be Michael Vaughan(who incidentally is the best captain in the world as well), the most consistent batsman would be Andrew Strauss, the best all-rounder would be Andrew Flintoff, the biggest match winner in cricket would be Kevin Pieterson, and of course the best bowler which would be Steve Harmison, the best exponent of reverse swing would be Simon Jones. The connect is all these players belong to England. Moreover after the victory over an ageing Australian side, they would be the best team in the world, though there is an Indian team which beat Australia at their peak and drew in Australia at their peak. There is a Kiwi side which almost defeated Australian at its peak. There is a chunk of land called the Indian sub continent where England is yet to win. But wait a second, did they not earn a moral victory in India the last time they were around?Moreover,it is not due to lack of cricketing skills that England loses in the sub-continent. It is mainly due to the weather here, which is the conspiracy of the Indian gods. And moreover the Hotels in India, where they make food which they cannot digest. And much more importantly, the hooligans here,who unlike the civilized hooligans from England don't hurl abuses or personal taunts on players. They would rather shoot at them. And of course such things inspire Andrew Flintoff to run around bare chested in Wankhede stadium( a thing which Saurav Ganguly is not supposed to do in the Lord's). And of course, England rules the world of cricket, a sport which they invented. They have had innumerable moral victories including ones in all world cups so far.

Now, tennis, where we are expecting Henman to win since the time he started playing in Wimbledon. Where the balls were taken out from their boxes much earlier than they normally are, so that it suits Henman and he gets knocked out in the second round. As long as I live, I believe the British public would be cheering Henman in Wimbledon and would always return disappointed because they can't accept the fact that he can't win.

Football, the passion of England. England is the land of hooligans. The way to support your team is to torch supporters of other teams. Shout abuses against other players. Write 1000's of pages on the brilliance of one goal by David Beckham, while in the meantime there are infinite such goals scored by Zidane, Ronaldinho,etc. Here, again the concept of moral victory is important. Brazil won WC 2002, because of a 'fluke' which David Seaman never expected. There was no other challenger to the throne. And of course, EURO 2004, which was all the fault of the referee and for which he rightly got reprimanded(read death threats) by the hooligans. Despite this conspiracy against England thoughout the world, they won a world cup held in England in 1966.

And England which rules the world of rugby after being crowned world champions in 2003 thanks to the seriously "awesome" play by Johny Wilkinson, are yet to win a match against a top team since WC2003.

This is how I stopped liking and started hating the British Sportsmen


Siri said...

wow...soo mch hatred....and so convincing careful..a certain Mr Modi might be on the lookout for ppl like u...and whoa who knows....u might end up(wrking for him and..) convincing the the media(and all the other fools...)tht hinduism is in fact truly the only faith and gujrat really is Utopia! hehhehehe....keep writing

Chintamani Kurse said...

Thank you siri, for that,I shall definitely keep my options open wrt to my career. :D

PSB said...

Awesome article. Poms and Aussies are the biggest whiners ever